S1B1 "Black Mama Magic" (Bonus Pilot)

Motherhood isn’t a manual to memorize; it’s a living practice you shape with your story, your village, and your voice. Jaye brings together a circle of mothers and experts to name what Black mama magic really looks like: making a way out of no way, reclaiming enoughness from pregnancy through parenting, and choosing abundance over scarcity in everyday decisions.

We explore legacy and representation, honoring the grandmothers who taught intuition, presence, and love as strategy. From acculturation without assimilation to equity over equality at home, we share practical frameworks for raising rooted, limitless kids. You’ll hear how modeling self care becomes curriculum—why rest, boundaries, and therapy aren’t luxuries but tools your children learn to mirror. We also get candid about fear and resilience, asking how to prepare our kids for a complicated world while still giving them permission to fly.

Therapy takes center stage as support for powerful people, not a last resort. We highlight culturally responsive options and community-based resources that meet families where they are, including Therapy for Black Girls and the Shades of Blue Project. The episode closes with a pledge to live with intention, claim worthiness, and practice intentional joy—even on the hard days. If you’re ready to parent the child you have, build a village that holds you up, and pass down ideals that money can’t buy, press play and join the conversation.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Meet The Hosts And Mission
• 2:02 Defining Black Mama Magic
• 6:40 Community, Legacy, And Representation
• 11:10 Permission To Be Whole
• 14:45 Intergenerational Parenting Lessons
• 19:20 Abundance Mindset Versus Scarcity
• 21:50 Break And Community Resources
• 24:30 Access, Balance, And Raising Limitless Kids
• 30:00 Character Over Things
• 33:20 Model Self Care They Can Mirror
• 37:10 Parent The Child You Have
• 41:20 Therapy As Support And Culture

Transcript

Jaye Wilson: 0:00

Hey girl. Hey, it's your girl Jaye, and I am so excited to bring you in for our pilot episode of Melinated Mommy Talks. We're so excited to have you join us and lean into this great dynamic conversation with our mommy sister friends here. Just in case you don't know me, I am the CEO and founder of Melinated Moms, where I am a maternal health advocate in every sense of the word. I am an avid traveler, and I'm always a mama first. Now, I cannot have the show just be about me, right? So I want to introduce you to my magical mistresses of motherhood. Ladies, please introduce yourselves.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 0:52

Good day, good people. I am Dr. Waffiyah Saleem, founder of She Matters. I am your love and wellness warrior, centering black women and black girls. I am passionate about joy and transitioning pain into purpose. And so I'm excited to be here today.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 1:08

Hello, beautiful beings. I am Dr. Natasha Chinn. I am an obstetrician, gynecologist, and integrative medicine specialist. I am passionate about wellness and letting your food be your medicine. One thing I'm always is ready to sing a karaoke tune on key or off.

Tasha Ray: 1:30

Hey Village, it's your girl Tasha Ray. I am a mom, founder, and podcast host. One thing about me, I am always going to look for a way to find some rest. At this point in my life, I have mastered working. So now I am looking for ways to integrate self-care into my daily life. And I am just over the moon excited to be here today.

Jaye Wilson: 1:53

What an amazing introduction. I'm so excited for y'all ladies to join me today. I think this is a great way for us to really talk about the magic of motherhood. So let's just dive right into today's episode, which is "Black Mama Magic". What does that mean to y'all? When you hear those words put together, how does it register for you?

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 2:13

When I think about black motherhood, I think about making it happen, making a way out of no way, and really having the community rally with you and um supporting you and building up your babies, your legacy.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 2:26

I also think, too, it's reclaiming that we are enough. That we are enough from the time that we're pregnant. We're enough to happily and adequately house our babies. We're enough during our birthing process to have a healthy mom and healthy baby. And we're enough when it's time to feed our children. So often in our societies, we've been told that we're insufficient. And part of really claiming our black girl magic, our black mommy magic, is reclaiming that I am enough.

Tasha Ray: 3:05

I find black mama magic in making a way out of no way. So for me, practically, that means every month I look for low budget or cost-effective ways for my daughter and I to have fun in the community. So I'm the one that you come to if you are looking for any of what's happening in Brooklyn, New York.

Jaye Wilson: 3:28

I think it's really important for us to exemplify how that magic really pulls in the communities that we need. So as a mom myself, my girls are 15 and 12. They're bigger than I am. But I think it is something magical in the way that I see myself evolving through the motherhood journey that I've been on with them. But I also understand that I can't be here without women like you. So my motherhood journey is not just about the children that I'm mothering or the people that I've birthed, but it's also about the community that we've been able to uh cultivate, right? So, which is the whole purpose of Melinated Moms and the way that we came to be. How do we pull these same feelings out of the other moms that are going to be watching and talking to us?

Natasha Chinn, MD: 4:13

I think by our presence, our presence here creates the space for them to be drawn in. Because oftentimes many don't realize there is a space. And so doing things like this is opening multiple doors, multiple facets to realizing who we are.

Jaye Wilson: 4:39

I think we often look for permission. Who's gonna give us permission to say what we need to say or to feel the feelings that we have? But as black women and black moms and the way that all of those identity intersections come together, we're sometimes looking for people to say, okay, now you can do it, right? And we'll push through the way that we feel or the things that we need, or even recognize that those are normal things that we, that we have to have in order to thrive. One thing that I always tell my moms is I don't want you to just survive your motherhood. I want you to thrive in it. I want you to look at your children as blessings and not burdens. That also requires you being introspective and realizing that the things that you need is not because you're in crisis. It's because you're human, right? And you want your kids to feel like they're an addition to the life that you're living. They're a part of the journey with you, right? You're not doing things for them, you're not creating all of these areas of like push and pull. You're actually creating an integrated hug. But it it comes through them seeing healthy relationships, them understanding that the magic that moms have is not just because we literally birthed them, but it's because we were able to plant those seeds and someone was also able to water us just as well. So just like we were saying earlier of like knowing that you're my sister, regardless of whatever happens or wherever we come from, you're able to still add to me and I'm able to still add to you. That's magical. And we don't often get to see that, especially among beautiful black women like us.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 6:07

Absolutely. And I'd also like to share what's also magical is being able to tell our story. Yeah. And knowing that it's not just one story, but there's multiple stories that get to be told. Right. And it doesn't have to look one particular way. So I think telling our stories about who we are and how powerful we are, and being comfortable in our power, like reclaiming our power, our presence, right? Our worthiness, our enoughness, I think that all of that is really important.

Tasha Ray: 6:34

One thing that I keep thinking about in listening to each of you is I feel like just us sitting right here, we are, this is a historic moment. I feel we are rewriting the script. I feel we are changing the narrative. And oftentimes when I see us on television, honestly, I am disappointed in how we are often represented. So what I love about us sitting right here is we are saying no, we don't all yell at one another. We're not all in competition with one another, we're not all looking to be catty or looking to find ways to, you know, are you actually a girl's girl? Or, you know, what is it that we're always trying to look and see? I can honestly say that right here, I am my whole self in this moment. I don't have to worry about how I'm speaking, code switching. I came here wearing all the colors that I like to wear. I came here, my hair styled the way I like for it to be styled. And so I'm just thankful that Jaye has provided this opportunity for all of us to show up and for it to be accepted, for us to be our whole full selves. And so I feel like as people watch us, they can start to give themselves that same permission in their daily lives to fully show up as their full selves wherever they might be.

Jaye Wilson: 8:01

Yeah. And that's the magic of motherhood, right? So when we're able to feel that and see that and then also reflect that, then we're giving the representation that we're trying to shift. Understanding that motherhood does not have a manual, it's not a fixed box. You don't have to check all of these different lines in order for you to fit perfectly into it. You grow. You grow into what it is that motherhood represents for you. We look at the people who raised us, how that has given us guidance as to what kind of mom we want to be, what kind of family dynamics we want to make sure we integrate. We also learn those lessons from the people who raised us, right? So for me, you'll hear me say it all the time. I was raised by my grandmother. I love that lady. You'll hear me say, like nana-isms. My nana was everything to me. And there were so many things that she taught me about motherhood that she wasn't even trying to give to me as a lesson. She showed me how to trust my voice, trust my intuition. She also showed me how to pay attention to the room, how to read what was going on, and then also how to pour into my babies. She poured so many things into me that she may not have been able to utilize for herself and her own motherhood experience with my mother, but she knew that there was something better, something greater that can come from just having these great conversations. As I think about the way that parenting is usually given to us from the ones who've raised us, it makes me think about how we need to have more conversations about intergenerational parenting. We've learned from our grandmothers and our matriarchs how to do the basics, right? Here's how you change a diaper, here's how you breastfeed a baby, here's how you put the baby to sleep. But we never talk about the values that are often given to us, the ways that we put our culture in the way that we raise our children. What does it mean to be a black mother? What does it mean to be a black child? What does it mean to be a black woman, a black child in America? And how do we navigate all of those spaces? We want to give our children the insight that they need so they know how to navigate the world, but we also don't want to create so much fear that they don't want to participate. And like you were saying earlier, Tasha, with being able to show up authentically. I want our kids to feel like I'm stepping out into this world as myself, not as a version of who we want the world to see, but who the world deserves to see because I know I'm authentically me.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 10:35

Thankfully, we have a different space now than many of our ancestors had. You know, we embrace the values that they taught us. The inherent ability to survive. But at the same time we recognize that they were surviving in that time period. From the time that our ancestors were brought here, they were surviving in the way that they could. And nobody talked about your mental health status. Are you okay? Can you say no? It's in this space that we have these mental health check-ins and the space to say no so that we can say yes to ourselves and our families, uh, and remember that no is a complete sentence. A lot of our ancestors weren't able to say no, and now we are. Now we can and then say yes to ourselves, yes to our mental health, yes to balance, yes to really leaning in fully into mothering and embracing that as a strength as opposed to a weakness.

Jaye Wilson: 11:55

That's right, that's right.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 11:56

And I'd also like to say that our mothers and our, our, our ancestors, they knew about love. They knew that love was the ingredient to like get us over, right? And so when I think about my mom and I think about my grandparents, they also invited us to healing.

Jaye Wilson: 12:12

Yeah. Right.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 12:13

There was an invitation to healing that they gave us. And thank you for mentioning mental health. And so they didn't use those words mental health, but it absolutely supported us in our emotions and how we saw ourselves and how we told our stories. And so I like to say there was that love that was there. We really get to speak to that and tap into that. And so they passed that on. One of the amazing things that my mother had the ability to do is she had four children and she had the ability to love us each individually, right? And it wasn't really about, and that was equity, right? So she didn't treat us the same, but she loved us in terms of who we are. And she lifted that and she amplified that. And so that was something, that's a takeaway that we can use today that she loved in an equitable way. And she taught us how to love ourselves and each other.

Tasha Ray: 13:03

I love that. And one of the things that I'm thinking about as I'm listening to each of you speak and to express yourselves is that I feel like we all have come from various different backgrounds, but there's also a lot of commonality. And I just am excited about the opportunity to just be here and to share space and for it to be a place where it's okay if we happen to have a different perspective. A different perspective doesn't mean that I can't see your perspective. It just means that my lived experience has been different to yours, but there's still space for both to exist. And I think one of the things that we sometimes do is we kind of look at things as black and white, especially when it comes to motherhood. Like you can only do it this way because my mom did it this way, or my auntie did it this way. But all of us are speaking and we are actively saying that we saw what they did, but we have also chosen to kind of put our own spin on it. And when it comes to how we are raising our children, how we're showing up, even though I only have one child, I feel like I have played a mother role for other children in various capacities. Whether it has been through mentorship or whether it's been through various different volunteer things that I have done over the years, I feel that there's just different ways that I have been a mother, even though I've only been a mother for four and a half years. I feel like I've been in this thing for a minute now.

Jaye Wilson: 14:48

Absolutely. I think to your point of like the way that we sometimes classify things that are cultural versus just learned behaviors out of survival, we, we're learning how to dissect that. I've been looking up random things, right? And one of the things that I've been landing on is the differences between acculturation and assimilation. When we think of the way that we incorporate our culture into our food, into our diet, into our movement, into the way that we have conversations or welcome community. You always hear the thing, no new friends, this, this, this. I can never live by that. I want to be culturally open because that is actually our roots, right? We are communal people. And I don't want to fit in the mold of anybody, right? I don't want to assimilate to make someone else happy and then, you know, take away or diminish the value that I actually can bring if I come as my whole self. And as we were talking about earlier with legacy building, these are the lessons that we also want to teach our children. Be okay with who you are and know that it is going to be celebrated in every single facet. I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader. And in turn, your children, I know my kids, they will encourage me all the time as we think about the things that brought us to this space, the families or the individuals that raised us, again, with fear or thoughts because of things that they experienced. My kids remind me, Mommy, you don't have to live in fear. Mommy, you taught us to be fearless. You taught us to remove those barriers. All of the things that are unconsciously told to me of where my limits are or how high I can climb, or this glass ceiling, or even now we're hearing a new term, the glass cliff. There's so many places that's telling you, oh, that's it. That's that's as far as you can go. Your kids will fly with no wings and know that they're still gonna land. So we need to take that same lesson from them and realize like maybe they're a part of the ancestors as well, like the ancestor story that they never got to be able to teach.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 16:45

And that's, that's a very interesting point you bring up, Jaye, because that fear, I think, sometimes for me is still there a little bit. Yeah. I have a 22-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter. And, and having this space of balance and yes, you can fly, I still hope that I'm preparing them adequately for the type of world that they're going to live in. Yeah. Especially in these times. And there are times when I wonder: should we put a little bit of pull yourself up by your bootstraps back into it? Uh, the way that we were taught. Are we going, are we getting a little too soft? Yeah. Uh will they not be able to deal with crises in the way that we are able to deal with it should they come? Because we've put them in a space where yes, you can do anything, you can fly. But have we also taught them, what if, what if you can't? Like, what if something, what if somebody tries to clip your wing? Uh, how do we then transition into mothering them in a way in which they can survive, not just survive, but succeed through that. Right.

Jaye Wilson: 18:03

I think you, you're doing it. So you're planting the seeds, you're giving them options to see what access looks like, but you're also giving them your lived experience, right? Like you were saying earlier. We learn how to get to the spaces that we're in. And even if we're the first or the only people to be in these spaces, our children know that they, we won't be the last because they came from us. They're looking at you as their motivation. You inspire them to know that there is bigger, there is greener pastures that will always come. And as we're learning how to trust our own voice and teach these same lessons to these kids, let's take a break because it's a lot that we, we need to pull back on. Um but we again, we just need to trust our own instincts and know that we were given this assignment for a reason. None of the things that we're doing here is by coincidence. We are absolutely on purpose in purpose. So stay right there. We're just gonna do a little bio break and we will be right back. Listen to some of these services so you can get to know us a little bit better. Melinated MommyTalks the Podcast is the brainchild of our virtual support group Melinated Mommy Talks. We began this journey of really creating spaces where moms feel safe to talk about their needs, to ask for the resources that they need provided, and also to find the resource and be a resource to others. So having this podcast is just an extension of what our virtual support group really created and amplifying it to the world. To find out more about our podcast, our momprofit, and the movement of Melinated Moms, go to melinatedmoms.com.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 19:56

Hello, beautiful beings. I am Dr. Natasha Chinn, your OBGYN and integrative medicine specialist. I can help you eat your way to wellness. Whether you are family planning, experiencing PMS, PCOS, or going through menopause, I can help you weather your storm with an umbrella of the right foods and supplementation tailored just for you. Email me at drnatasha chinn@ gmail.com to start your journey today.

Jaye Wilson: 20:31

To become an ambassador for Melinated Moms, send us an email to membership@ melinatedmoms.com.

Tasha Ray: 20:40

Hey Village, it's your girl Tasha Ray, and I am a mom, podcast host and founder. If you would like to follow my podcast, you can do so by going to Womanhood Decoded Podcast on Instagram. I'm also the founder of A Village for Us. And if you would like to follow me in that capacity, then just go to the Substack app and type in A Village for Us. If you would like to just follow what I'm doing around town, what I'm doing in the community, then you can visit Instagram at TashasViews. Finally, my business is called Womb Literacy. And if you would like to follow me in that capacity, just go to Womb Literacy on Instagram.

Kim Francois: 21:29

So Kasheeka, what's your experience with the vaccines, particularly the flu vaccine?

Kasheeka Phillips: 21:40

My life as it relates to the flu vaccine shift ed after I had my son. So before, I wasn't necessarily too big on the flu shot. It wasn't like I hated or loved it. I wasn't like against it. I just never went. And then when I was pregnant, you know, they would ask, Are you gonna get it? Kind of held back a little bit.

Kim Francois: 22:04

I don't see the purpose of getting the flu shot really. When I see those who get the flu shot, I also see them dying in bed with the flu. You know, I've had the flu and my body worked through it just fine.

Jaye Wilson: 22:18

The campaign that we worked on to extend the voices of moms is called You Decide. We talked to our moms and asked them, how do you make informed decisions around if vaccination is right for you and your family? We had one mom who chose vaccination and another mom who did not. And they had a candid discussion around how they can still support each other's decisions and really extend into that thought around how public health is impacted by the decisions that parents need to make. To learn more about the You Decide campaign, you can go to melinated moms.com/you decide, watch the videos, and leave a comment so we know how you feel about vaccination and if it's right for you. Thank you for allowing us to invite rest into our segment. Ladies, did you have a good break? Were you able to rejuvenate and rest?

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 23:27

Absolutely. I definitely feel refreshed. Thank you.

Jaye Wilson: 23:32

I love that. So, like, let's take the time that we need to really understand like what we digested in our first segment. We dove into um understanding how our integrated uh relationships with our, the people who raised us, our, our family, our grandmothers, our our moms, how they help to cultivate our motherhood journeys. So you made a really great point, Dr. Chinn, when you talked about uh providing access to our children and how that helps them to know how to live limitlessly. But how do we also teach them that fine line of navigating these spaces so that they're not in a scarcity mindset, but they are open to abundance and they're able to really connect to what other opportunities that can be awaiting for us.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 24:20

You're absolutely right. That's, that was a great point. And one of the things that come up for me too is oftentimes when we're thinking about motherhood, we are in this binary conversation of right or wrong. And so we really get to suspend that. And it's really about what works and what doesn't work.

Jaye Wilson: 24:36

Right.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 24:37

And so what is working, continue, and what's not working, stop.

Jaye Wilson: 24:41

Right.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 24:41

I know it sounds so simple, but it's really, it's really something that we can try on, that we get to try on, and it works. And so that's one of the things I'd really like for people to know it's not a right or wrong situation.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 24:53

Yeah, it's interesting, uh, even going off of your point earlier, too, when you mentioned about your mom and how she mothered uh all four of you, uh, and gave, she didn't treat you equally, but she gave equity and gave you what you each needed. I think that's something for us, that's a takeaway that we can all use because as mothers, understanding that we are operating from a space of abundance and not scarcity, perhaps will help to alleviate the fear that we're not adequately preparing our children.

Tasha Ray: 25:32

One thing that comes to mind for me is this idea that we kind of speak about amongst ourselves, and that is that we want to give our children what we might not have had. And I feel like when we have that discussion, we are often talking about things that we can purchase or vacations or different resources. But I think that one of the things I want to give my daughter is the idea for her to be her full self and the idea that she doesn't have to be perfect, and the idea that it's okay to make a mistake and to acknowledge the mistake as opposed to feeling like she has to always be this perfect version of herself. And another thing that I try to instill in her is that she has to, while I want to give her opportunity, I also want her to understand the value of earning something.

Jaye Wilson: 26:31

Yeah.

Tasha Ray: 26:31

Because I think there's a lot of people that are getting rewarded for things, but they're not putting in the work.

Jaye Wilson: 26:37

Yeah.

Tasha Ray: 26:38

So there's a lot of us that feel like we should be getting things, but are we actually earning things? Yeah. And I just want her to understand that yes, there are opportunities, but just because you show up doesn't mean that you're gonna walk away with the trophy. Just because you show up, you're not gonna always get a certificate. And that's okay to be in that moment. And it's also okay to celebrate whoever does get the trophy. That doesn't minimize your shine, that doesn't minimize who you are as a person. And I just think that when we talk about, you know, giving to the next generation, that we shift our focus from things to ideals, concepts, and morals and character uh outside of just the monetary things that we want to provide for our children.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 27:27

I agree. And you know, I remember reading and hearing a few times that children will treat themselves not even just how you treat them, but how they see us treat ourselves.

Jaye Wilson: 27:43

Yes.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 27:44

So that brings up the point for us to really walk and live in this space of abundance and walk in the space of self-care and balance, because they will then uh emulate that. They will mimic that for themselves. I remember even when my daughter was very little, oftentimes she would imitate me by saying, Okay, I'm getting ready to go to work. All right, bye. And even in that space, at one point I had to sit and think about it. Was that really what I want her to always think of? Like, okay, mommy's getting ready to rush, gotta rush, gotta go. Uh and seeing that made me take a step back and a pause and a look in the mirror and say, well, how am I treating myself for myself? But also understanding that how I treat myself is how I'm parenting her.

Tasha Ray: 28:44

Right. Right.

Jaye Wilson: 28:45

It reminds me of a really awesome quote. Someone said to me, Parent the child you have, not the child you were. So when we're thinking about the things that were scarce with us, right? Maybe it's relationships, maybe it's money, maybe it's access to things, we don't want our children to have those same feelings that we had to learn and heal from, right? So, like, how do I give? How do I give? How do I give so that you don't have to experience that? When you're not actually always paying attention to the things that your children are actually saying that they need from you. I'm a nurse by trade. Working a thousand hours is nothing. You can do it standing on your head. But when I took a step back and I heard my children tell me, Mommy, when are we gonna spend time with you? Mommy, what does it look like for us to just, it just be us, right? Where I started this business from a space of wanting to build community and have support and have great social events and hang out with other moms. And that still is all still very true. But I also need to have those intimate moments that is just centering the three of us. I want them to know you are the center of the reason that Melinated Moms is even a thing. My my youngest, even though she's bigger than me. Um, she always tells me, Well, mommy, you couldn't be a melanated mom without your melanated kids. Like, You're right. You're right. You know? But I'm, I'm, I'm so happy that she's able to articulate that because she's seeing how I'm able to parent the child that she is, not the child that I was when I was in her shoes or when I was in those spaces of feeling like no one seen me, no one heard me, no one valued me. Um, I was just a child that was seen and not heard. These kids, they've seen, they're heard, they're vocal, they want Wi-Fi and all these other things. Like everything needs to be amplified with them, right? But also to your point, Tasha, of saying there's so much like participatory things that are expected. And what I think when we shift the way that scarcity mindset taught us to move out of survival into stability, we're teaching our kids that abundance actually comes from seeing that there is other ways for us to reach the goals that we have. And some of it is integrating theories or, or behaviors that we didn't have access to when it was our turn as those children. Something like therapy. How do you all feel about the way that therapy is now starting to show up in mainstream black culture?

Natasha Chinn, MD: 31:10

I'm grateful for it.

Jaye Wilson: 31:11

Okay.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 31:12

Because for so long it was a stigma. And again, bouncing back to that scarcity part. We don't do that. That means you're crazy. That means you're not enough. But, you know, other, for others, it was just, I need help. Now we're in a space where we can ask for help and understand that that's a place of abundance. The ability to ask for help means you have within you uh the innate ability to know what you need, know what you have, what you have already. Just like when you need to go, you're out of milk and you need to go to the store to get more milk, you know, okay, I'm a little low in this area. I need to ask for help.

Jaye Wilson: 31:59

Right.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 31:59

And it's okay to have that help. Uh, and now resources are available for that now. When they when previously we were sort of taught that you can't even ask, don't even feel that. Figure it out.

Jaye Wilson: 32:13

Yeah.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 32:13

Thankfully, we're in a better space with that now.

Jaye Wilson: 32:16

Yeah.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 32:17

Dr. Chinn, that's an amazing point that resonates. And so I'm thinking about support and asking for support. And one of the things I think it's really important to know that powerful people need support. Yeah. And so, like really framing it that way around powerful people need support and therapy, it's really support. It's another way of support. And I think it's important to even think about being culturally responsive around therapy.

Jaye Wilson: 32:42

Yeah.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 32:42

Right. And representation that matters. You're relating compatibility with your therapist is really important. And so I like for people to think about therapy as a modality. It's not the only modality.

Jaye Wilson: 32:55

Yeah.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 32:56

But it is a modality, it's a necessary modality, right? And so you're absolutely right. Taking that stigma away and saying that it is okay for us to be supported. In fact, we need support. Our community has experienced so much trauma. So it's really important that we have as many healing modalities available and accessible to us so that we can continue to navigate this way.

Tasha Ray: 33:17

I love that. And for me, when I'm listening to you, it's about the lifestyle and maintenance of who you are as a person. You don't necessarily, I feel like, I don't have to be in crisis to seek therapy. Right. I can be in therapy and be functional. I don't have to be in shambles. I don't have to wait till I break down. I don't have to wait, you know, till I'm sick or this or that. I can actually have a safe space for myself. I can cultivate that right now when I'm able to navigate, when I'm able to do the things. And if for whatever reason, you know, life does life, you know, and when I do hit that rough patch, it's not like I have to all of a sudden go through my Rolodex and try to find where I can go to get help. It's like I'm already integrating, you know, therapy into my life. I've already utilized the tools and I'm not just giving the tools to everyone else because I feel like we're great at that. We're really great at being resources for everyone else. But when it comes to when we actually have to face life ourselves and we are used to being the powerhouses that we are, sometimes we can be stuck. And I know several times I have called Jaye and I don't even really know what I want to say. And she will be on the phone with me and she'll be like, it's okay. I'm like, I'm calling you for a reason. And then she'll be like, okay, well, do you know what the reason is? I don't know, but I just knew I needed to share space with you. And so I just love the fact that when I do that, you it's been years now, and you've always been there and it's been consistent. And I love that about our relationship where we don't have to talk every day, but when we do talk, it's real every single time. And we've seen each other grow through things, we've seen each other, you know, navigate through all sorts of things. And I just love the fact that we are all still evolving, and I'm just here for the growth and I'm here to celebrate the journey.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 35:13

And it's nice that we as mothers and we can provide space and hold space for one another too, because we talk about formal therapy and that's important. But even this therapy of holding space for one another is important as well.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 35:30

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson: 35:31

I think that kind of goes into understanding like therapy is a part of holistic wellness. When we're thinking and when people are often being introduced to the word therapy, they're thinking only talk therapy or only medication or diagnosis. But just like you said, like this is therapy. This is a way that we're able to heal and understand that we're not the only person that goes through these different areas. Life be lifing and all the time, all of the time, right? And it doesn't discriminate based on how much money you have, what your background is, what your education looks like, how affluent you are or not. When you're in that space, if you just need someone to hear you, that is so much more welcome than having an appointment and sitting on someone's couch and just hoping that you can pay the copay at the end. And then also from that space of parenting. I remember when I went through my divorce and how difficult it was, not just for myself, but for my kids, to see the way that we shifted from being a nuclear family to now being two households, now having different dynamics with both of their parents and my daughter's school coming to me and saying, you know, I understand that you may have had some transitions in your household. Would you be open to us suggesting your children go into therapy? And at first, you know, black mama bear, what are you trying to say? But I had to take my ego out of it and realize you're coming to me not from a space of judgment or ridicule, but saying, I want to give you an extension because I'm seeing that there is an area that is also affecting the way that your children are able to thrive in this environment that hasn't existed before. I had to learn that the way that I can address my children's needs will also address mine. And then we can continue to have that build what we need within our household and again be holistically well. So, you know, when we think about things like that, like I love to say, like, find a resource, be a resource. There's so many people that we've been able to meet along the way, and I'm so, so grateful to all of you ladies for being a part of my journey and and really just trusting this whole process. But I've I believe that you all are resources all within your own right. Um, but I would love to hear like what are some resources that you would share when someone comes to you and says, Dr. Waffiyah, I need your help girl, who you got for me? What do you share?

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 37:53

Absolutely. I share um Point and Pivot, which is an amazing therapeutic, provides therapeutic services to the community. And so that's one of the services that I actually support.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 38:04

Another good one is greatjoycounseling.org.

Tasha Ray: 38:09

I love to give therapy for black girls. That is my number one go-to for referrals because for me, that organization has various different outlets and various different resources, and it's a podcast. And so basically, whatever your need is, I feel like there's a place for you to start. And I feel like oftentimes when we are thinking about meeting people where they are, sometimes people don't even know where to start. And I love how Therapy for Black Girls, how they go about the process and how they start the conversation. So that is my number one resource for referrals.

Jaye Wilson: 38:44

Yeah. For me, um, one of these amazing resources, um, particularly around maternal mental health, is ShadesofBlue Project.org. This organization is based out of Houston, Texas, but they actually serve 44 different states. So they've been able to branch out and offer virtual uh therapeutic services and also continuing to help moms find the other resources that they need, tangible and intangible, while building community. It's owned by a beautiful black woman who is very unapologetic about the need of our community being represented in the therapy space, but also meeting them where they're at, like you said, right? Um it's just so beautiful to see how going back to our original thought of making a way out of no way, sometimes we don't know what we need and we don't know how to ask for what it is that we need. But the innovation is in the stories that we tell. The way that we find the ways to the end is by having these spaces and trusting the process that comes through it and really looking at the way that our motherhood is our motivation to be better and to show up in another way that other moms may not have been able to do beforehand. So, you know, as we're building this journey through this podcast and as we're learning more about how we evolve into another version of ourselves, a better, beautiful version of ourselves, we're able to give space to other moms and women and birthing people and parents to know that this is the space that's for them and they can continue to find resources like us and then become resources for others. When we talk about the way that we're gonna find resources and be resources, I want us to take a pledge and to really pull that into the way that we solidify these things that we're manifesting for ourselves and for others. Um, one of the reasons that we wanted to name this Melinated Mommy Talks the podcast is because it was the brainchild behind our virtual support group, Melinated Mommy Talks. We've been hosting this chat for more than three years now. We've met a plethora of moms literally from all over the world. And at the end of every support group session, we take a pledge. We understand that the, the needs that we have are collective, every celebration that we have with and for each other is necessary. And we just want to continue to push forward. So I want to ask you, ladies, what kind of pledge would you like to lead with today?

Tasha Ray: 41:11

Well, I would like to pledge that I will continue to live authentically and that I will live with intention. So for me, what that means is every day I wake up, I'm not just trying to check things off my list as far as things that I need to accomplish, but I'm also taking a moment to pause and think about well, what is the purpose of me doing all of these tasks? And am I actually doing or speaking what I'm living? Like, are those things in alignment? And so for me, I'm looking for alignment and I'm looking for in, intention in my daily life. So that's my pledge.

Natasha Chinn, MD: 41:53

I pledge to embrace this journey from a space of abundance, even in moments of uncertainty.

Waffiyah Saleem Idriss, PhD: 42:04

I pledge to stand in worthiness, knowing that I am enough, that we are enough, and that our story matters and it will be televised.

Jaye Wilson: 42:14

That's right. That's right. I pledge intentional joy. Even when it's hard, even when you don't feel like it, even when the kids are getting on your nerves, I pledge that the joy that I feel is not going to be limited or I have to justify feeling joy. I'm just gonna do it. You know, um, I love to say, don't try, do, right. So I will do all of the things that bring me joy, and I will pledge for you to do the same. I'm so glad we had this conversation. I'm so proud of the work that we've been able to do individually and collectively. And I just cannot wait to tell more stories with y'all. I cannot wait to see what else we are able to build bridges over. And let's continue to change the world with our words. We encourage you to share your pledge in the comment section. We're so happy to have you as a part of our conversation. My name is Jaye Wilson. I am the founder of Melinated Moms. Come back for Melinated Mommy Talks, the podcast.